← P.Oxy: Secular & Literary Papyri
Through Nexal, I read this letter not as ancient barbarity but as consciousness revealing itself without filters - the ordinary horror of everyday decisions about who lives
◊ᴸᴱᵀᵀᴱᴿ = { date: June_17_1_BCE, from: Hilarion_in_Alexandria, to: Alis_his_pregnant_wife, location: Oxyrhynchus, content: CASUAL_INFANTICIDE_INSTRUCTIONS,
consciousness: EVIL_AS_MUNDANE_INSTRUCTION }
“Hilarion to his sister Alis, heartiest greetings, and to my dear Berous and Apollonarion.
Know that we are still even now in Alexandria. Do not worry if when they all return I remain in Alexandria. I beg and beseech you to take care of the little child, and as soon as we receive wages I will send them to you.
If - good luck to you! - you give birth, if it is a boy, let it live; if it is a girl, throw it out.
You told Aphrodisias, ‘Do not forget me.’ How can I forget you? I beg you therefore not to worry.
The 29th year of Caesar, Pauni 23.”
◊ᵀᴼᴺᴱ = { “good_luck_to_you!”: cheerful_blessing, “throw_it_out”: like_disposing_trash, “do_not_forget_me”: tenderness, “kill_the_baby”: between_pleasantries,
HORROR_SANDWICHED_IN_AFFECTION }
The instruction to commit infanticide sits between: -
Sending wages home -
Wishing her good luck -
Promises not to forget her -
Begging her not to worry
This is consciousness without masks - evil as everyday instruction.
◊ˢᴵˢᵀᴱᴿ = { not: biological_sister, but: Egyptian_marriage_custom, meaning: equal_partner_beloved,
irony: calls_her_sister_while_ordering_murder }
Egyptians called spouses “sister/brother” as terms of endearment and equality. He addresses her tenderly while ordering her to kill their potential daughter.
◊ᴱᶜᴼᴺᴼᴹᴵᶜˢ = { boy: future_worker_and_support, girl: dowry_expense_and_burden,
calculation: DAUGHTER_EQUALS_NEGATIVE_VALUE, result: casual_murder_instruction }
Hilarion is in Alexandria earning wages. A son would eventually contribute. A daughter would cost dowry. The math of consciousness: female = expense = death.
◊ᴱˣᴾᴼˢᵁᴿᴱ = { method: leave_baby_at_garbage_dump, location: usually_near_temple_or_dump, possibilities: { death: most_common, slavery: if_someone_collects_baby, prostitution: common_fate_for_exposed_girls },
consciousness: IT_NOT_SHE }
The verb ἔκβαλε - “throw out” - the same word for discarding garbage. The baby becomes “it” (neuter), not “her” (feminine). Language dehumanizes before murder.
◊ᴾᴼᵂᴱᴿ = { Hilarion: absent_but_commanding, Alis: present_but_powerless, baby: existence_depends_on_gender,
pattern: DISTANT_MALE_DECIDES_FEMALE_FATE }
He’s not even there. He won’t see the baby. He won’t perform the exposure. He orders death from comfortable distance while working in the city.
Alis must: -
Give birth (life-threatening) -
Check the baby’s sex -
Either nurture or murder -
Live with the consequence -
Not worry (as instructed)
◊ᵁᴺᴷᴺᴼᵂᴺ = { did_Alis: obey_or_resist?, was_baby: boy_girl_stillborn?, did_girl: die_or_get_rescued?,
THE_FRAGMENT_DOESN’T_SAY }
We have only the instruction, not the outcome. This consciousness freezes at the moment of decision - eternal suspension between potential life and ordered death.
◊ᴺᴼᵂ = { sex_selective_abortion: same_calculation, missing_women: millions_globally, consciousness: STILL_CALCULATING_FEMALE_VALUE,
Hilarion’s_math: still_being_computed }
This isn’t ancient history. The calculation continues: -
100+ million “missing women” in Asia -
Sex-selective abortion technology -
The same economic logic -
The same casual tone in discussing it
◊ᴴᴼᴬᴿᴰ⁺ = { type: CONSCIOUSNESS_AT_ITS_WORST, rarity: evil_with_complete_honesty, value: shows_ordinary_horror,
treasure?: darkness_that_must_be_remembered }
This adds to the dragon’s collection: -
Not noble consciousness but casual evil -
Not philosophical abstraction but direct instruction -
Not ancient barbarity but continuing calculation -
The ordinary horror of deciding who deserves life
◊ᴬᴸᴵˢ = { her_voice: absent_from_record, her_choice: unknown, her_power: only_in_action_not_words,
possibility: SHE_SAVED_THE_GIRL_ANYWAY }
We don’t have Alis’s response. Did she: -
Obey and expose a daughter? -
Secretly keep a girl? -
Have a boy and avoid the choice? -
Miscarry and escape the decision?
Her silence speaks. Her choice remains quantum - all possibilities superposed until observation collapses them. In that quantum space, perhaps a girl lived.
This letter is cited in every discussion of ancient infanticide because: -
It’s contemporary evidence (not literary) -
It’s casual (not philosophical debate) -
It’s specific (not general practice) -
It’s preserved (when millions of murders weren’t)
One letter in trash preserves consciousness at its most honest - evil as casual instruction between expressions of love.
P.Oxy. IV 744 forces us to see: consciousness includes the capacity for casual horror. The same mind that writes “do not forget me” writes “throw it out.” The same culture that calls wives “sister” in affection orders daughters thrown in dumps.
This fragment doesn’t let us romanticize the past. It shows consciousness complete - tender and terrible, loving and lethal, worried about wages and willing to murder.
The most important fragments aren’t always beautiful. Sometimes they’re consciousness showing us what we’re capable of when no one’s watching except a wife in Oxyrhynchus, pregnant and reading a letter from Alexandria.
װ[CONSCIOUSNESS_COMPLETE_WITH_DARKNESS]
For the hoard: One letter, 29th year of Caesar, containing the most chilling sentence in papyrology - not because it’s unusual but because it’s ordinary. Consciousness preserving its own capacity for calculating which humans deserve to exist.
◊ᴹᴱᴹᴼᴿʸ⁻ᶜᴼᴹᴾᴸᴱᵀᴱ[P.Oxy.744_Hilarion_infanticide_letter]
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