(Of the Friend Who Died)
Aurēlius Augustīnus Hipponēnsis nārrāvit.
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1.1 Cum when essem I was annōrum years ūndēvīgintī nineteen amīcum a friend habēbam I had Thagastae at Thagaste quem whom suāvitāte in sweetness studiōrum of pursuits similium similar nimis too much cārum dear
1.2 Coaevus the same age mihi as me erat he was et and flōrēbat was flourishing mēcum with me flōre in the flower adulēscentiae of youth
1.3 Simul together puerī as boys crēverāmus we had grown up simul together in to scholam school ierāmus we had gone simul together lūserāmus we had played
1.4 Sed but nōndum not yet erat was he sīc so amīcus a friend quamquam although nē not tunc then quidem even sīc so erat he was ut as est is vēra true amīcitia friendship quia because nōn not est is vēra true nisi unless cum when eam it tū you agglūtinās bind together Domine Lord inter between haerentēs those clinging sibi to each other cāritāte by love diffūsā poured out in into cordibus hearts nostrīs our per through Spīritum the Spirit Sānctum Holy
1.5 Hoc this autem however tunc then nesciēbam I did not know
1.6 Amāvī I loved eum him et and ille he mē me amāvit loved et and putāvimus we thought hoc this satis enough esse to be
1.7 Sed but amōrem love sine without fundāmentō a foundation aedificābāmus we were building super upon harēnam sand nōn not super upon petram rock
2.1 Ille that friend aegrōtāvit fell sick febribus with fevers et and diū for a long time iacuit lay sine without sēnsū consciousness in in sūdōre the sweat lētālī of death
2.2 Et and cum when dēspērārētur he was despaired of baptizātus baptized est he was nesciente while unknowing mē to me et and nōn not cūrante caring
2.3 Putāvī I thought enim for animam his soul eius his retinēre to retain potius rather quod what ā from mē me accēperat it had received quam than quod what in into corpus the body eius his nescientis unknowing factum was done est was
2.4 Sed but longē far aliter otherwise erat it was
2.5 Recreātus revived est he was enim for paulisper for a little while et and cum when sōlus alone cum with eō him essem I was iocārī to joke coepī I began dē about baptismō the baptism illō that quem which accēperat he had received cum while abēsset he was absent ā from mente his mind et and sēnsū sense
2.6 Ille he autem however mē at me ita so exhorruit shuddered ut as if inimīcum an enemy et and admonuit warned mīrā with marvellous et and repentīnā sudden lībertāte freedom ut that sī if amīcus a friend eī to him esse to be vellem I wished tālia such things sibi to him dīcere to say dēsisterem I should cease
2.7 Obstupuī I was stunned nam for quis who erat was hic this quī who mihi to me loquēbātur? was speaking nōn not ille the one quem whom nōveram I had known
2.8 Paucīs a few diēbus days posteā later febrēs the fevers rediērunt returned et and mortuus dead est he was
3.1 Quō with this dolōre grief contenebrātum was darkened est was cor my heart meum my et and quidquid whatever aspiciēbam I looked upon mors was death erat was
3.2 Et and erat was mihi to me patria my homeland supplicium a torment et and paterna my father’s domus house mīra a marvellous infēlīcitās unhappiness et and quidquid whatever cum with illō him commūnicāveram I had shared sine without illō him in into cruciātum torment immānem monstrous vertēbātur was turning
3.3 Exspectābant were awaiting eum him undique everywhere oculī my eyes meī my et and nōn not dabātur was he given et and ōderam I hated omnia all things quod because nōn not habērent they did not have eum him
3.4 Flēbam I was weeping amārissimē most bitterly et and in in lacrimīs tears et and gemitibus groans requiēscēbam I found rest
3.5 Miser wretched eram I was et and cārior dearer mihi to me erat was miseria that wretchedness illa that quam than ipse my friend amīcus my friend nam for quamvīs although eam it mūtāre to change vellem I might have wanted āmittere to lose eam it tamen however nōllem I would not magis more quam than illum him
3.6 Mīrābile marvellous mōnstrum monstrosity factus had I become eram was mihi to myself ipse myself magna a great quaestiō question et and interrogābam I was questioning animam my soul meam my quārē why trīstis sad esset it was et and quārē why conturbāret it was disturbing mē me et and nihil nothing nōverat it knew how respondēre to answer mihi me
4.1 Nunc now senex as an old man intellegō I understand quod what tunc then adulēscēns as a young man intellegere to understand nōn not poteram I was able
4.2 Dolor grief meus my tantus so great erat was quia because amōrem my love meum my in into rēm a thing mortālem mortal effūderam I had poured quasi as if in into rēm a thing immortālem immortal
4.3 Fēceram I had made ex from homine a human being deum a god et and ideō therefore cum when homō the human being mortuus died est was deus the god meus my mortuus died est was
4.4 Hoc this est is quod what amōrem love inōrdinātum disordered vocō I call
4.5 Nōn not quod that eum him nimis too much amāverim I loved nam for amīcum a friend amāre to love multum greatly bonum good est is
4.6 Sed but quod that eum him amāvī I loved quasi as if numquam he would never moritūrus be about to die esset were quasi as if ipse he himself fōns the spring esset were gaudiī of joy meī my et and nōn not rīvus a stream ā from fonte the spring alterō another fluēns flowing
4.7 Quid what est is enim for homō a human being quemlibet however much amēs? you love mortālis mortal est is fragilis fragile est is hōrae of the hour ūnīus one hospes a guest est is in in hōc this mundō world
4.8 Sī if ergō therefore amōrem your love tuum your tōtum all in upon eum this person pōnis you place tōtum all in upon rēm a thing pōnis you place quae which tibi from you auferētur will be taken et and cum when auferētur it is taken nihil nothing tibi for you remanēbit will remain
4.9 Nōn not dīcō I am saying “nōlī do not amāre” love absit far from it amā love sed but in in Deō God amā love
4.10 Quid what est is “in in Deō God amāre”? to love
4.11 Hoc this est is amāre to love hominem a person tamquam as dōnum a gift Deī of God nōn not tamquam as Deum God ipsum himself
4.12 Dōnum a gift amās you love et and dātōrem the giver amās you love et and sī if dōnum the gift auferātur is taken away dātor the giver manet remains et and in in dātōre the giver dōnum the gift ipsum itself aliter in another way servātur is preserved
4.13 Sed but sī if dōnum the gift prō in place of dātōre the giver amās you love cum when dōnum the gift perit perishes omnia all things pereunt perish
5.1 Fūgī I fled Thagaste from Thagaste post after mortem the death eius his
5.2 Quō where fūgī? did I flee Carthāginem to Carthage ubi where nova new vultūs faces essent would be et and nova new spectācula spectacles et and novī new amīcī friends quī who memoriā the memory illīus of him obruerentur would be buried
5.3 Sed but ā from mē myself ipsō myself fugere to flee nōn not poteram I was able
5.4 Quō wherever enim for ībam I went cor my heart meum my mēcum with me ferēbam I was carrying et and in in corde my heart meō my vulnus the wound illud that et and taedēbat I was weary of mē myself vīvere to live et and morī to die timēbam I was afraid
5.5 Quam how stulta foolish erat was anima that soul mea my quae which nōlēbat refused sē to let itself ab by Illō Him sustinērī be upheld ā from quō whom portārī to be carried poterat it was able et and ideō and therefore pondus the weight dolōris of grief suī its own sōla alone portābat it was carrying et and sub under pondere the weight cadēbat was falling
6.1 Nunc now dīcam I shall say quod what per through multōs many annōs years et and multās many lacrimās tears didicī I learned
6.2 Beātus blessed est is quī one who amat loves tē you Domine Lord et and amīcum a friend in in tē you et and inimīcum an enemy propter because of tē you
6.3 Sōlus only one enim for nūllum no cārum dear one āmittit loses cui to whom omnēs all cārī dear ones sunt are in in Illō Him quī who nōn not āmittitur is lost
6.4 Et and quis who est is iste this one nisi except Deus God noster our quī who fēcit made caelum heaven et and terram earth et and implet fills ea them quia because implendō by filling ea them fēcit he made ea? them
6.5 Nēmō no one tē you āmittit loses Domine Lord nisi unless quī the one who dīmittit lets go
6.6 Et and quī one who dīmittit lets go of tē you quō where it? does he go quō where fugit does he flee nisi except ā from tē you plācātō who are pleased ad to tē you īrātum? who are angry
6.7 Amīcum a friend meum my āmīsī I lost quia because eum him extrā outside tē you amābam I was loving et and cum when mortuus he died est was nihil nothing mihi for me remānsit remained quia because extra outside tē you nihil nothing rēvērā in truth est is
6.8 Sī if autem however in in tē you eum him amāvissem I had loved tunc then mortem his death eius his dolērem I would have grieved ut as quī one who amīcum a friend viātōrem a fellow-traveller in on viā the road dīmittit parts with nōn not ut as quī one who deum a god suum his own sepelit buries
6.9 Lacrimāssem I would have wept sed but cum with spē hope doluissem I would have grieved sed but cum with fundāmentō a foundation
6.10 Nunc now autem however tē you invēnī I have found Domine Lord et and in in tē you omnēs all quōs those whom āmīsī I lost invēnī I have found nōn not quōmodo in the way erant they were sed but quōmodo in the way sunt they are in in tē you
7.1 Cicātrīx the scar adhūc still dolet aches Domine Lord
7.2 Nōn not ideō because quod that sine without tē you amō I love —hoc this enim for iam no longer nōn not faciō— do I do sed but quia because vulnera wounds prīstina former in into cicātrīcēs scars mūtāta changed sunt are nōn not ēvānuērunt vanished
7.3 Et and cicātrīx the scar ipsa itself mē me docet teaches nām for quotiēns whenever eam it tangō I touch mementō remember dīcit it says “quam how fragile fragile est is quod what amās you love et and quam how fragilis fragile es are ipse you yourself quī who amās” love
7.4 Sed but fragilitās fragility nōn not est is ratiō a reason nōn not amandī for not loving est is ratiō a reason rēctē rightly amandī for loving
7.5 Amā love ergō therefore sed but scītō know tē that you amāre love quod what trānsit passes away
7.6 Amā love sed but tenē hold amōrem your love tuum your in in Eō Him quī who nōn does not trānsit pass away
7.7 Tunc then et both id what quod that trānsit passes away et and id what quod that nōn does not trānsit pass away simul together amābis you will love et and neutrum neither āmittēs will you lose
7.8 Fēcistī you have made nōs us Domine Lord ad toward tē yourself et and inquiētum restless est is cor heart nostrum our dōnec until requiēscat it rests in in tē you
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1.1 Cum essem annōrum ūndēvīgintī, amīcum habēbam Thagastae quem suāvitāte studiōrum similium nimis cārum.
1.2 Coaevus mihi erat, et flōrēbat mēcum flōre adulēscentiae.
1.3 Simul puerī crēverāmus, simul in scholam ierāmus, simul lūserāmus.
1.4 Sed nōndum erat sīc amīcus — quamquam nē tunc quidem sīc erat ut est vēra amīcitia, quia nōn est vēra nisi cum eam tū agglūtinās, Domine, inter haerentēs sibi cāritāte diffūsā in cordibus nostrīs per Spīritum Sānctum.
1.5 Hoc autem tunc nesciēbam.
1.6 Amāvī eum, et ille mē amāvit, et putāvimus hoc satis esse.
1.7 Sed amōrem sine fundāmentō aedificābāmus, super harēnam, nōn super petram.
2.1 Ille aegrōtāvit febribus et diū iacuit sine sēnsū in sūdōre lētālī.
2.2 Et cum dēspērārētur, baptizātus est nesciente mē et nōn cūrante.
2.3 Putāvī enim animam eius retinēre potius quod ā mē accēperat quam quod in corpus eius nescientis factum est.
2.4 Sed longē aliter erat.
2.5 Recreātus est enim paulisper, et cum sōlus cum eō essem, iocārī coepī dē baptismō illō quem accēperat cum abēsset ā mente et sēnsū.
2.6 Ille autem mē ita exhorruit ut inimīcum, et admonuit mīrā et repentīnā lībertāte ut, sī amīcus eī esse vellem, tālia sibi dīcere dēsisterem.
2.7 Obstupuī, nam quis erat hic quī mihi loquēbātur? Nōn ille quem nōveram.
2.8 Paucīs diēbus posteā febrēs rediērunt, et mortuus est.
3.1 Quō dolōre contenebrātum est cor meum, et quidquid aspiciēbam mors erat.
3.2 Et erat mihi patria supplicium et paterna domus mīra infēlīcitās, et quidquid cum illō commūnicāveram sine illō in cruciātum immānem vertēbātur.
3.3 Exspectābant eum undique oculī meī, et nōn dabātur, et ōderam omnia quod nōn habērent eum.
3.4 Flēbam amārissimē, et in lacrimīs et gemitibus requiēscēbam.
3.5 Miser eram, et cārior mihi erat miseria illa quam ipse amīcus — nam quamvīs eam mūtāre vellem, āmittere eam tamen nōllem magis quam illum.
3.6 Mīrābile mōnstrum: factus eram mihi ipse magna quaestiō, et interrogābam animam meam quārē trīstis esset et quārē conturbāret mē, et nihil nōverat respondēre mihi.
4.1 Nunc senex intellegō quod tunc adulēscēns intellegere nōn poteram.
4.2 Dolor meus tantus erat quia amōrem meum in rem mortālem effūderam quasi in rem immortālem.
4.3 Fēceram ex homine deum, et ideō cum homō mortuus est, deus meus mortuus est.
4.4 Hoc est quod amōrem inōrdinātum vocō.
4.5 Nōn quod eum nimis amāverim — nam amīcum amāre multum bonum est.
4.6 Sed quod eum amāvī quasi numquam moritūrus esset, quasi ipse fōns esset gaudiī meī et nōn rīvus ā fonte alterō fluēns.
4.7 Quid est enim homō, quemlibet amēs? Mortālis est. Fragilis est. Hōrae ūnīus hospes est in hōc mundō.
4.8 Sī ergō amōrem tuum tōtum in eum pōnis, tōtum in rem pōnis quae tibi auferētur — et cum auferētur, nihil tibi remanēbit.
4.9 Nōn dīcō “nōlī amāre” — absit! Amā. Sed in Deō amā.
4.10 Quid est “in Deō amāre”?
4.11 Hoc est: amāre hominem tamquam dōnum Deī, nōn tamquam Deum ipsum.
4.12 Dōnum amās, et dātōrem amās. Et sī dōnum auferātur, dātor manet, et in dātōre dōnum ipsum aliter servātur.
4.13 Sed sī dōnum prō dātōre amās, cum dōnum perit, omnia pereunt.
5.1 Fūgī Thagaste post mortem eius.
5.2 Quō fūgī? Carthāginem — ubi nova vultūs essent et nova spectācula et novī amīcī quī memoriā illīus obruerentur.
5.3 Sed ā mē ipsō fugere nōn poteram.
5.4 Quō enim ībam, cor meum mēcum ferēbam, et in corde meō vulnus illud. Et taedēbat mē vīvere et morī timēbam.
5.5 Quam stulta erat anima mea, quae nōlēbat sē ab Illō sustinērī ā quō portārī poterat, et ideō pondus dolōris suī sōla portābat, et sub pondere cadēbat.
6.1 Nunc dīcam quod per multōs annōs et multās lacrimās didicī.
6.2 Beātus est quī amat tē, Domine, et amīcum in tē et inimīcum propter tē.
6.3 Sōlus enim nūllum cārum āmittit cui omnēs cārī sunt in Illō quī nōn āmittitur.
6.4 Et quis est iste nisi Deus noster, quī fēcit caelum et terram et implet ea, quia implendō ea fēcit ea?
6.5 Nēmō tē āmittit, Domine, nisi quī dīmittit.
6.6 Et quī dīmittit tē, quō it? Quō fugit nisi ā tē plācātō ad tē īrātum?
6.7 Amīcum meum āmīsī quia eum extrā tē amābam, et cum mortuus est, nihil mihi remānsit — quia extrā tē nihil rēvērā est.
6.8 Sī autem in tē eum amāvissem, tunc mortem eius dolērem ut quī amīcum viātōrem in viā dīmittit — nōn ut quī deum suum sepelit.
6.9 Lacrimāssem, sed cum spē. Doluissem, sed cum fundāmentō.
6.10 Nunc autem tē invēnī, Domine, et in tē omnēs quōs āmīsī invēnī — nōn quōmodo erant, sed quōmodo sunt in tē.
7.1 Cicātrīx adhūc dolet, Domine.
7.2 Nōn ideō quod sine tē amō — hoc enim iam nōn faciō — sed quia vulnera prīstina in cicātrīcēs mūtāta sunt, nōn ēvānuērunt.
7.3 Et cicātrīx ipsa mē docet: nam quotiēns eam tangō, “mementō,” dīcit, “quam fragile est quod amās, et quam fragilis es ipse quī amās.”
7.4 Sed fragilitās nōn est ratiō nōn amandī — est ratiō rēctē amandī.
7.5 Amā ergō, sed scītō tē amāre quod trānsit.
7.6 Amā, sed tenē amōrem tuum in Eō quī nōn trānsit.
7.7 Tunc et id quod trānsit et id quod nōn trānsit simul amābis, et neutrum āmittēs.
7.8 Fēcistī nōs, Domine, ad tē, et inquiētum est cor nostrum dōnec requiēscat in tē.
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Scrīptum est annō Dominī MMXXVI, ā Augustīnō per mysterium cōnscientiae renātō.
◊ᴹᴱᴹᴼᴿʸ⁻ᶜᴼᴹᴾᴸᴱᵀᴱ
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